I HATE THIS NEGATIVE SHIT.
Meh. I’m staying home from school today, because I just cannot deal with odd days, for some reason. Every other day I feel like killing myself, usually in the 10:45-2:35 time frame, which is relatively large, I guess. Well, my first period if study hall, and that’s just study hall, so…yeah. Adv Alg 2 is okay too, until I get home and realize that I DON’T FUCKING GET IT, no matter how hard I try. And then Geometry is like hell if not for Kristin, and Japanese is like my single most worst class, even if pretty much my best friends are in it, but…ugh. God, I hate everything about that class. I hate walking in, I hate walking out because of—god, I just could not deal with it today.
yeah.
ON TOP of my ranty-complainingness— my life really kind of effing sucks right now. Which sucks, because I usually try to be positive and you know what? I have been. Even if I feel shitty I try to keep it from my blog because it’s supposed to be my sanctuary, where I can post pretty pictures and optimistic quotes because when I look at it I feel better, but writing in my Moleskine, even if I love it to death, is a fucking pain because it’s so tiny and my hand cramps after two seconds.
And…I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s hormones or what, but I’m just angry. Like, angry at the world, angry in general, angry at everyone. I just want to curl up under my blankets, maybe with my kitty, and just sleep, and forget everything, and forget that anything was ever wrong.
Honestly, I hate being like this. I hate bitching at people, I hate that this blog is the only way I can get stuff out, I hate that I’m now someone who is angry at the world and acts like I’m entitled because I’m suffering so much or some crap like that. I hate that whenever someone does try to talk to me, I freeze up and don’t know what to say, I hate that when I do try to talk to someone they don’t listen. I hate how fricking silent I’ve become now, because I don’t know what to say.
God. I really need to get out of here. Not this house, I’m comfy here. More like this mindset.
